Aging comes to us all. What makes solo aging different is the need to be more proactive about arranging for help. Twenty-two percent of older adults acknowledge they will need to take care of themselves. (Even if you are partnered now or have children, you are wise to consider the possibility of solo aging because, well, things can change … death, divorce, estrangement. In that light, we are all potential solo agers.)

Successful solo aging requires that you

• are very honest with yourself about changes. Act promptly if you notice something wrong with your health. Denial is not your friend! Especially if you want to age in place. Maintain a strong relationship with your doctor. Actively address safety concerns (e.g., a personal emergency response system, home modifications to prevent falls).
• are prepared for the possibility of dementia. You may not realize or recognize the slow creep of cognitive impairment. And you don’t have children to notice or bring up the subject. Make a pact with friends to alert each other about any concerns. Meet periodically with an Aging Life Care™ Manager. They know the signs and can advise you when it’s time to get an evaluation.
• actively plan for how to get help. This may mean moving closer to nieces and nephews (be sure they are on board with supporting you). If you intend to hire help, remember that Medicare doesn’t pay for it. Unless you have long-term-care insurance or qualify for programs such as Veterans Aid and Attendance, you’ll need to pay privately.
• assemble a support network of professionals. Working together, they can ensure you receive the help you need.
  • An Aging Life Care™ Manager is an aging advocate who can help you plan for your future, focusing on your specific preferences and resources. Aging Life Care Managers understand the medical, financial, psychological, and social factors that influence solo aging. As local experts in aging well, they can provide guidance on what to expect, point you to the best providers, and suggest cost-effective options.
  • A wealth manager can help you determine how to achieve the financial reserves you need to afford your preferred aging scenario.
  • An estate planning attorney is essential for drawing up the documents all older adults should have in place: A will or living trust for disbursing your assets, and documents that name your health care and financial decision makers should you become unable to make decisions yourself.

Ready to get proactive? We are experts in solo aging.
Give us a call at (208) 321-5567.

Change is the only constant. And as we enter our later years, it seems the changes are more frequent. Before writing Life Is in the Transitions, Bruce Feiler interviewed 225 individuals to gain a sense of the ways people navigate disruption across the lifespan. He found that we experience roughly thirty-six transitions in a lifetime, averaging one every twelve to eighteen months. Often several pile up at once, especially when we are older. Common transitions for older adults include a shift in health or ability, a marital change (death or divorce), a new housing situation, or a drop in expected income.

There are general phases to transitions. One phase is the “long goodbye,” our reconciling with the fact that one aspect of our life is irrevocably coming to a close. Another is the “messy middle”­—figuring out how to find balance in the chaos of change. And the third is the “new beginning,” embracing a new way of living. 

Here are seven strategies Feiler suggests using during a transition:

• Accept it. Grieving your loss is key for acceptance. Identify the emotions that arise in you as you let go of your old way(s). In Feiler’s study, fear, sadness, and shame were the emotions most commonly cited.
• Mark it. Whether burning a photo, burying a stone, or hanging a prism to represent your next chapter, ritual helps bring closure and open the door to something new.
• Shed it. This is one of the tougher activities. Identify what it is that needs to end: Habits, identity, dreams. Not that you won’t have new dreams or identity. But people describe a kind of molting before finding their new selves.
• Create it. Take up a creative pursuit—ukulele, poetry, juggling, dance. By introducing joy and creativity in the midst of chaos, it appears we cultivate the insight and innovative thinking needed to envision a revised sense of self.
• Share it. Make it real. Talk with others and be open to their wisdom.
• Launch it. People in the study frequently remarked upon their “first normal moment.” The first day without worrying. The first hearty laugh. Unexpectedly, the shadow of the past was superseded by a glimmer of what their new life might be. Nurture that ember when you feel it. Start with small goals or projects that enable you to build momentum in this new direction.
• Tell it. After you’ve regained your footing and are past the raw parts, reflect back. “I was X, then Y happened and I became Z.” Piecing together the meaning of the journey helps stitch your life back together, integrating purpose into your transition.

Are you in a transition of aging? See one on the horizon?
Let us help guide you through. Give us a call at (208) 321-5567.

When an adult child asks for money, it’s hard to say no. You want to respond to a need. But perhaps your child perceives that you don’t need all you have, or that they’re simply requesting some of their inheritance, just a bit early.

Before you answer, ask for time to think it over. You want to make a decision based on wisdom, not emotion. You also need time to discuss this with your spouse, if you have one.

Here are some factors to consider:

• Can you afford to give? Check with your financial planner to see what you can realistically provide without jeopardizing your own security. Recognize that your likely biggest expenses in aging are yet to come: Home care or assisted living, neither of which is covered by Medicare. Perhaps some home remodeling, if you plan to age in place. You also may live longer than you planned. Unforeseen events, such as inflation or a down market, could have unfortunate consequences for your portfolio. You may not be so flush after all.
• What is your motivation for giving? Beyond an understandable desire to help, do you feel guilty? Would you feel like a bad or unloving parent if you said no? Are you embarrassed to admit you don’t have “extra?” Dig deep for your inner thoughts about what you will “get” or avoid if you give. It’s important to evaluate the wisdom of your deeper motivation.
• Is this a pattern? Does this child routinely have money problems? Giving them another infusion of cash may be enabling their poor planning rather than truly helping. Of course, you don’t want to lecture them on spending habits. At the same time, as with any funder, you have a right to require a picture of some solvency. Consider requiring that they work with a credit counselor as part of the arrangement.
• Is this a gift or a loan? Loans between family members can be fraught with emotional baggage. Financial professionals say you need to treat the loan objectively, signing paperwork with an agreed-upon repayment schedule. But enforcing repayment can jeopardize the relationship. That’s why many suggest you be prepared for it to become a gift, or just frame it as a gift from the outset. But do this only if you can truly afford to not be paid back. (Also check with your attorney. Gifts to family may compromise your eligibility for VA benefits or Medicaid in the future.)
• An advance against inheritance. Even if you can afford to make it a gift, your other children may resent it. Talk to your attorney about an “advance against inheritance” arrangement so it is well documented that these funds are to come out of that child’s share of the inheritance down the line.

Concerned about money and your relationship with your kids?
Let us help you sort through the issues. Give us a call at (208) 321-5567. 

Cohousing is like a retirement community in that it is a group of residents in individual, private domiciles. Plus, there are shared facilities for group activities. What’s different is that retirement communities are created and run by a developer.

Cohousing communities are created by the people who will live in the buildings. All members hold an equal investment—personal and financial—in the process of creating and running the community. Decision making is shared and is usually by consensus.

Cohousing is the most ambitious of the housing alternatives for older adults. Cohousing is legally operated as a condominium with a homeowner’s association. But the intention is to provide much more of a group experience. A community typically begins when a few founding partners assemble like-minded people with a vision. The group buys a piece of property and remodels or builds from the ground up. The layout specifically supports social interaction. A central common space is designed to host periodic group meetings and meals. Living units are small. Parking is on the periphery. Gardening is communal. From architecture to landscaping to decision making, the group determines everything. Residents also participate in maintaining the community once it’s built and everyone has moved in.

Communities can be as large as forty households or as small as two or three. And they don’t have to be built from scratch. Some groups purchase a large, old house and remodel. Others buy an apartment complex or a mobile home park and add the communal elements. Many communities are “all ages,” but some organize specifically for those age fifty-five and older.

Caring for members as they age is challenging. As residents age and lose physical or mental abilities, they may not be able to maintain their participatory role. Over-fifty-five communities, especially, need policies that address who will care for ailing residents and who will take up the slack in terms of their communal duties. The balance between older and younger members requires careful monitoring.

Cohousing is not for everyone. It’s certainly not for those with dementia or health challenges going in. And it helps to be a relatively young older adult, since it takes an average of three to seven years to assemble a community. Cohousing also tends to be expensive. But if you are an innovator, like your privacy yet are attracted to communal living and group decision making, it can be an excellent way to offset the isolation of aging in place. Learn more about existing communities or how to start one, at the Cohousing Association of the United States.

Interested in alternative living arrangements?
Contact us! (208) 321-5567

If you are like 68% of grandparents, you live too far away for regular interactions with your grandchildren. No reading bedtime stories or soothing little tears. No ticklefests or hands-on projects. These casual yet meaningful activities just aren’t an option.

Video visiting helps. But according to Kerry Byrne of The Long-Distance Grandparent, you can count on only about a minute of video engagement for every year of your grandchild’s age.

Here are some tips for building an online relationship:

• Coordinate with the parents. Can you make life easier for them? Try reading stories over Zoom while the kids eat breakfast and the parents pack lunches.
• Plan for topics or activities. Find out from the parents what’s of interest lately. Are dinosaurs a hit these days? Send dino stickers. Roar together and pretend to be T Rex.
• Be SILLY. Don’t be afraid to make funny faces or do the unexpected. Remember, if you were with them in person, you’d likely be more of your playful self. Express that online: Three jumping jacks and run around the chair when they guess the correct answer in a riddle.
• Enhance your visits with props. Send them something in the mail that they can do with you the next time you video call. A tambourine. Heart-shaped Valentine’s glasses. Or popcorn you can “share.” (Who can catch the most popcorns with their mouth?)
• Use photos and video. Send photos of you doing silly things. Make a video of a children’s activity song, like the hokey-pokey. Ask your grandchildren to sing and dance with you. Put it on YouTube so the parents can play it whenever they need a break.

See how this “gran” used Zoom and simple props to record the “Itsy Bitsy Spider” on YouTube. Now her two-year-old granddaughter frequently asks to watch “Gran videos.” With this repeated exposure, Gran is a known figure and immediately recognized during FaceTime chats, even though they have met in person only three times in her granddaughter’s short life. Relax and have fun. You don’t have to be polished. (This isn’t PBS!) And if you still feel self-conscious, set the videos so they are only visible by those you send the link to.

Interactive apps that might be of interest. The “Longevity Explorers,” a grassroots group of tech-savvy seniors, recommends these apps for their high interactivity. The parents will need to download a version too in order for these to work.

• Readeo. (ages 2–5) With the BookChat feature, a video of each of you appears side by side above an e-book. You can read, point to images on the page, and you or your grandchild can “turn” the page.
• Caribu. (ages 4–12) This app has a library of e-books, plus puzzles and games, mazes, and sharable “paint and draw” activities.
• Playingcards.io. (age 8+) A virtual shared “tabletop” allows you to play games such as Hearts, Go Fish, and Crazy 8s. Or rummy and canasta for older kids. There are board games too, such as checkers and chess, backgammon, and cribbage.

Do you live far from your family?
Let us help you stay connected. Call (208) 321-5567.